What Do I Look For in A Mentor?

Young men walking the road to manhood can’t walk alone. It is a treacherous path with many pitfalls. Someone must lead you down that road. This is the role of a father. Sometimes it is a biological father who carries this out but increasingly, in our culture, we see this role being carried out by spiritual fathers, unrelated by blood but vital nonetheless.

Even if your father is active in preparing you for manhood, it is wise to glean from multiple men as you move towards adulthood and independence.

Mentorship is placing yourself in a position to be shaped by someone else. Of course, this is a great responsibility on both parts. Because being mentored by someone is essentially asking them to speak into your life, you need to choose mentors carefully.

Here are several things that you should look for in a mentor:

1. Godly Character

Actions speak louder than words. Not only that, they reveal what’s really in our hearts.

Therefore, when looking for a mentor to pour into you, it’s important to approach someone who demonstrates Godly character. After all, you are essentially asking them to disciple you. If you want to learn how to be a Godly man, then it makes sense to choose a Godly man as your teacher.

This of course doesn’t mean your mentor has to be perfect. There is no perfect mentor. And you should never treat a mentor as perfect. You shouldn’t blindly follow or trust a mentor without carefully backing up their guidance with the word of God.

When judging the character of a potential mentor ask yourself some of these questions:

• If he is married and/or has children, how does he treat his wife and children? Is a responsible family man who takes his leadership in the home seriously? Will you be learning good marriage/parenting/family principles from his example or poor ones?
• Does he generally exhibit the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5)?
• Are there any patterns of sin you recognize in his life? Anger? Arrogance? Etc. If so, how can you be aware of this and keep this in mind if you pursue him as a mentor?

2. Relevant Wisdom

I’ve found, in my experience, that one mentor is good but a few mentors is even better. There are different “specialities” that some mentors can help you grow in. For example, one may be a spiritual mentor that helps you grow in your faith. Another may be someone you can come to for career advice. And another may be uniquely equipped to help you grow in relationships and family matters.

If you are wanting to grow in your career, for example, judge whether your prospective mentor is equipped to offer good principles on that matter. What is their track record? Do they have wisdom that relates to where you’re seeking to grow.

3. A Humble Heart

A teacher who knows how much he doesn’t know is a well-balanced teacher who can teach what he does know.

Your mentor should be characterized by humility. If you are pursuing a mentor who uses your relationship to puff himself up or imply that he has all the answers to life’s questions, that is a good indication that he has an immature understanding of himself and the world.

Just as important as finding someone who has wisdom is finding someone who has the wisdom and humility to admit that they don’t have all the answers.

4. A Respect for Boundaries

This is important.

If your mentor thinks that they have authority over your life decisions, they will be tempted to abuse that authority. It’s vital to find someone who can offer principles or perspectives and then leave you to make your own decision.

It can be tempting to delegate your important life decisions to other people. That’s why you should be careful to seek counsel from people who will hold you to your own responsibilities.

You may come with specific questions about what kind of job to pursue, how to navigate a relationship, etc. But if you blindly swallow advice from a mentor without making the decision for yourself you may be taken down a path that you never intended to go down. It’s your life. God must be your guide and you must take responsibility for your own choices. It’s good to get counsel from mentors, but it’s not good to delegate life decisions to them.

Find a mentor who respects those boundaries and has a clear understanding of their role as mentor/encourager, not as an absolute authority.

Seek Wise Counsel

These are just the starting points for finding a mentor. Mentorship adds to your support structure in life and offers the opportunity to gain wisdom and counsel from a variety of sources. Looking for these characteristics in a mentor will be a great first step towards gaining wise counsel and learning to live as a man of God.