How many real friends do you have?
No, I don’t mean to thrust social insecurity upon you. But it’s true that in our digitally connected world today, we often think we know more people than we really do.
The song Call Me When You Land by Old Sea Brigade and Luke Sital-Singh includes a simple but thought-provoking line: “only advertisers know me.”
We live in an age of information. The contents of an encyclopedia are accessible within seconds. There really isn’t any informational question that can’t be answered within moments by a quick internet search. However, we are still bound by our social limits. We can’t know dozens of people deeply, despite being connected with them through social media and the internet.
To Know
The Hebrew word yadah is used in Genesis 4 to describe Adam’s intimate relationship with his wife Eve. This is a type of knowledge so sacred that God reserves it for one human relationship: a marriage. The word used denotes a deep and intimate knowledge.
The sexual knowledge that Adam and Eve shared with each other is a sweet element of marriage. But even outside of marriage, relationships are built on knowing, to various degrees of intimacy. Often times we judge the depth of our relationships on the amount of knowledge we have of someone.
We may know the name of the grocery clerk but that’s all. When we learn more of their story they begin to move from stranger to acquaintance. The more we interact and learn from them over time, the deeper our relationship goes.
But of course, this goes beyond just information. We know a lot of information about celebrities but few of us would claim to “know” famous actors and cultural icons. Relationships also require shared experience.
To Be Known
That’s why there is such confusion about relationships in the digital world. We have many surface-level relationships on social media that give us the appearance of depth and intimacy because of the information we receive. We see that our Facebook friends are getting engaged. We notice that someone we follow on Instagram is traveling. A LinkedIn connection started a new job. And so on.
We also surrender much of our information to digital platforms in exchange for the privilege of using them. In essence, we become a walking database of information. Social media companies sell our attention and information to advertisers. We have a completely customized world all our own on the internet and yet we aren’t convinced that our hundreds of followers actually know the real us.
Our online presence is carefully curated for optimal presentation. And our real relationships suffer. We can’t be bothered to endure the slowness of vulnerability, rather we rush ahead and exchange facts about ourselves.
Know Deeply
There’s nothing inherently wrong with social media or sharing information about ourselves. But I encourage you to pursue deep relationships that demand the sharing of fears, hopes, ambitions, and perspectives.
Jace is the host of The Digital Wellbeing Podcast. He also writes about life, faith, culture, and justice at www.jacebower.com.